Nosferatu: In Defense of the Ugly Vampire (Film)

A still from the 1922 film because ya know …it’s in the public domain. Even if you haven’t seen the new film and want to read this article I think it’s best for Orlok’s appearance to be unveiled through viewing the film.

Post seeing Nosferatu at the theater on Xmas I was of course seeing peoples’ reaction to the film. If you haven’t seen it, this is your warning: SPOILERS AHEAD! Disembark from this train now if you want to view the film encumbered with it secrets.

First things first, I love horror films but not your average cheap trick, trope filled sequeled to death movies. I’m talking The Babadook, Suspiria(2018), Possessor, Mandy…cinematic art house horror. Vampires have always been one of my favorite monsters even as a child. I have this very clear memory of my sister and I (we must’ve been no older than six and seven) in the backseat while my mother was driving. My sister and I were arguing about who was better? scarier? stronger? A vampire or Dracula. I remember my mother trying to play mediator saying “girls you’re both right, vampire is what he is, Dracula is his name.” So I like to think that I’m a connoisseur of sorts. And let me tell you Nosferatu is Robert Eggers’s magnun opus. With astounding attention to detail, mood and score, it is absolute perfection.

One thing I observed after was people’s displeasure that Count Orlok wasn’t a “hot vampire.” Hmmmmmm I’m genuinely perplexed as to why there was an expectation for him to be such. This may seem a small thing but I believe that the fact that Count Orlok is an unredeamable, inhuman monster, really a force of mercy-less nature… an ‘appetite’ if you will, is integral to the entire film. Now before I go further I am not saying that attractive = good and unattractive = evil but in film we are highly susceptible to visuals. And our society tends to be more sympathetic (in general) to those who are more attractive.

Let’s start off with our first incarnations of vampire lore and literature, especially our boy, the Count. Vampires did not begin as this romantic anti-hero, a “bad boy” clad in a leather trench coat like Spike or sparkling in the sunshine like Edward Cullen. They are creatures of darkness, bringing death and decay. Vampires were seen as death incarnate, plague in “human” form. That was Eggers’s goal for his film: “in order to make the vampire scary again, I wanted to go and check out the folklore that was written about and by people who actually believed that vampires existed. Early folk vampires were decaying, disgusting, maggot ridden corpses.” -Eggers in an interview- “so then the obvious question is well what does a dead Transylvanian nobleman look like…I dare any of to find one without a mustache.” Even in the original novel by Bram Stoker, the blood sucking count is described as old, with deep furrowed lined face, hairy hands and claw like nails. Does that sound attractive… no. In the first Nosferatu film, (1922), the count doesn’t even pass for human… because he isn’t, he’s a creature of the night. In Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979), though Count Orlok is somewhat of a more tragic figure he doesn’t pass for human either. Eggers’s film goes back to this core idea of original vampire lore. Lore in which vampires relied on their powers of compulsion and dark influence over their victims not their looks.

Next case in point. Our society, especially Hollywood has this drive to perfect everyone, and … everything, if they’re not fuckable we don’t want them on screen. The sexy vampire has been done and done … and done to fucking undeath. My point is we’ve gotten sexy vampires so many times before so why do we need to see it again? Unless there’s something new there… like the Interview with the Vampire (2022-) tv series, with its fresh retelling, making all the queer subtext well …text. Also an incredible watch by the way.

Anyway more importantly had Count Orlok been physically attractive Nosferatu would have been an entirely different film. It wouldn’t have been a horror movie, because an attractive powerful aristocratic isn’t terrifying, at least not to the audience who is safe from his wrath. Think of Netflix‘s Dracula (2020) series starring Claes Bang. (Yes, Fjölnir from The Northman, that guy.) He’s handsome, he’s charming and charismatic, & when he kills people he’s a scoundrel in the most entertaining sense. You smile at him even as you wag your finger and shake your head. You kinda root for him the entire time. In Francis Ford Coppola’s Dracula (1992), Dracula is a tragic character, ending up on this dark path due to heartbreak. By the movie’s end he’s gained your sympathy and maybe even pity. Now I love Coppola’s Dracula. But it’s a gothic romance: “Do you believe in destiny? That even the powers of time can be altered for a single purpose? That the luckiest man who walks on this earth is the one who finds... true love?“-Dracula, it’s not a true gothic horror. At least not in the sense that the audience is scared of Dracula especially when he’s the handsome, younger version of himself. In Nosferatu (2024) the entire dark mood of the film rests heavily upon how terrifying Count Orlok is and Ellen’s internal struggle with succumbing to the darkness. The darkness is what she is enthralled by not his looks. If he was a hot vampire, that’s where the focus would be, we would have also seen the logic for her desire but desire has no logic here. She has had these carnal desires for years (it seems) but feels the need to repress them, because ya know polite society and all that garbage. It’s clear that she is arroused by her dreams of the Count, even though they are disturbing and she feels guilty about it. In the end she succumbs, perhaps partly because she feels she can’t resist anymore or maybe because she wants to. Most definitely partly because it’s the only way to defeat him and stop the plague of death that Orlok brought with him but either or both BECAUSE he is a monster it is a sacrifice. She gets to remain a moral, innocent wife because of that. Had Count Orlok been a hottie, it would have been a betrayal to her husband. She’d be a harlot. It would be a shameful act… gasp! It is because he is a monster that she gets to succumb to her dark desires AND be cleansed of the shame of it at the same time by saving those she loves. Which I think is why she has a melancholic nature, somewhere deep in her psyche, since these “spells” began she knows that the ultimate pleasure for her lies with a creature of death, that absolution from her shameful desires goes hand in hand with her own death.

This film could also be categorized as a dark fairytale or horror fantasy. In Natalie Wynn’s (Contra Points on YouTube) video essay on Twilight, they go in depth on how fantasy, specifically romantic or sexual fantasy, creates scenarios in which the protagonist is absolved from the shame, indecency, or guilt of their desires. The reader or viewer then too is absolved and free to bask in the pleasure of it. Let’s look at a chaste example. In Natalie’s description the “function of disavowal in fantasy is that you get what you want without the indignity of having to ask for it, or ‘against your will’… Bella is adamant she doesn’t want a fancy wedding but Alice insists, so there’s a fancy wedding… well, you know what people say about women who want fancy weddings: divas, bridezillas!.” In a somehow less chaste and more chaste example: Bella must snuggle up against shirtless Jacob in front of Edward, oh no! But it’s only to prevent herself from freezing to death, wink. A love triangle, being desired by two men is a common fantasy trope as illustrated in the cuck-tent scene in Twilight.

A thought on Ellen’s “spells.” Were her dreams premonitions? Was it her destiny? Being haunted by one’s own death brings to mind Mike Flanagan’s Haunting of Hill House(2018). That dull sense of dread, of moving towards something inescapably awful, that only becomes clear in the end, it was always the only path/truth right from the beginning.

Back to Nosferatu. Now there are plenty of hot villains in film and literature but since this film is a remake of a silent film, visuals are extra significant. Count Orlok’s inhuman looks cement that this film is a fantasy, unrestrained by reality’s rules. His wardrobe, and so much about this film is pretty historically accurate, this creates a horrifying fantasy that feels real thus intensifying the horror of it. Of course the film goes the extra mile with the score and terrifying sound of Orloks voice to create the atmosphere.

Something that is different about this film is that Ellen, the female protagonist is the main character. In all (or nearly all that I can think of) incarnations of this story, Dracula is the main character. Had he been devilishly handsome, I think the film would have naturally focused on him as the main character. We would have expected to learn more about his back story and we would have been inclined so see him as a sympathetic character, his death being a tragedy, like in Dracula (1992). Again, that doesn’t create a HORROR film. Robert Eggers’s Count Orlok isn’t heartbroken or lonely, he is a terrifying creature looking to satisfy his hunger, a true representation of original vampire lore. I love a modern sexy version of a vampire but that’s just not what Eggers’s wanted to create. Though there are definitely those who even after seeing Eggers’s film, would love to go for a mustache ride, the general consensus is that Count Orlok is an evil monster. A consuming destructive force and I’m here for it. Not only does it make that most sense it creates a true Gothic Horror.

Birthday Wishes

Usually as a someone who was born so close to X-mas I don’t typically get to go all out in celebrating my birthday. But this year feels different. Maybe not an all out party but the energy feels full of excitement for the future.

While I had been self-employed for a couple years beginning in the summer of 2018 (until I technically became an employee at the yoga studio where I taught) it was not an overall joyous time. My mother’s health was declining, she left this world in early 2019, the pandemic hit then I had three major surgeries from 2020-2022. Recovering emotionally and physically took a long time. I’ve been fully self employed again since August and it finally feels like I get the chance to live how I’ve dreamed of for so long. I know the ups and downs of navigating self-employment will never completely smooth or plateau but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. My time is my own, I have the freedom to explore all the new ideas, designs, projects and ventures I have in mind for 2024. Also I’m excited to share that I’m able to return to Tucson this year for the gem and mineral show, where I will be able to learn sandcasting!

The new year can sometimes be a scary time for those of us who are self-employed. January can be a slow month, sales tax is due, fees for any upcoming shows/markets/expos are due… and I feel I am moving forward into new directions. With that in mind I want to clear out space in my studio for new work. Over the week of 12/18-12/22 I will be posting jewelry, crystal and perhaps more in my Instagram stories at a deep discount. Even taking home just a little something will help me out in my new ventures. Shipping is definitely an option and local pick up will be available on Friday, December 22 at Déjà Vu Esoterica in Southtown San Antonio.

See you soon!

2 Years later…

Feeling my worst

Post Double Mastectomy and DIEP flap breast reconstruction

Feeling my best

Photoshoot with Angela Michelle of Raven Red Photography

Did you know that October is breast cancer awareness month?

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It’s coincidently this month two years ago that I had my double mastectomy and DIEP flap breast reconstruction. The year before that I had a full hysterectomy. I have BRCA2, a genetic defect/marker that puts me at high risk of (listed in the highest risk order) Breast, ovarian, colon, melanoma and pancreatic cancers. I always make sure to mention the other cancers that are at higher risk with BRCA2 because I feel like it’s not talked about enough. To decrease my risk drastically I’ve opted for preventive hysterectomy and mastectomy surgeries. If I could cut out my pancreas, believe me, I do that too.

Throwback to the feeling my best and to feeling my worst physically. Best: photoshoot with @ravenredphoto Worst: post surgery.

This surgery was the most physically painful and challenging thing I’ve ever been through. I spent three days in the hospital. My first and second…. and third steps after surgery (with a walker) felt like my body was being split in half. In the thick of it I couldn’t even fathom six months or a year down the line. It was a full five or six weeks before I could stand up without being hunched over (In a DIEP flap reconstruction several inches of abdominal tissue is removed) it was a full year after my revision surgery (6 months after the mastectomy) that I even felt remotely strong again. These days I’m still working on feeling at home in my body, getting used to the scars, the little to no sensation in several parts. With multiple major surgeries my body just feels different. I have been needing/wanting to talk more about body image and post surgery trauma but it’s taken me some time to digest all that I’ve been through, healing is not a straight line.

Whenever I come up against something challenging, or I feel something like imposter syndrome or like I’m not capable I remind myself that I’ve already been through some of the most difficult things a person could go through. I’m (mostly) on the other side of it.

Whenever I tell someone in person that I’ve had a mastectomy, they immediately looked down at my breasts with the look of disbelief on their face, unintentionally I’m sure. One of the benefits of DIEP flap reconstruction is a natural look but make no mistake breast reconstruction is not augmention or a “boob job”, with augmentation, you still have your nipples, you still have sensation in your breasts. There’s a price to pay for lowering your risk of cancer but personally I think it’s worth it. I don’t want to die the way many of my family members have died.

*TLDR: When talking to previvors, survivors, or speaking about this subject at all please don’t compare it to augmentation. Same with comparing DIEP flap to a tummy tuck, it’s just not the same for so many reasons.

I’m not sharing my story for sympathy, I’m sharing for awareness. If there’s any history of any type of cancer in your family, especially an immediate relative talk to your doctor and get genetic testing done (in most cases testing AND preventative surgery is covered by your insurance). I know it can be an incredibly scary thing to tackle but putting off health and medical issues is never beneficial. If several of my family members had sought medical attention sooner they might still be alive today. And this HAS to be said: if your doctor doesn’t think you need genetic testing or doesn’t think you need annual screenings when you have a genetic cancer marker FIND A NEW DOCTOR. In 2020 I had some strange abdominal/pelvic pain and though it was only for a short amount of time (only a day or two) I knew something was wrong. I spoke to my gynecologist but she waved away my concerns and said I was too young to start doing cancer screenings even though she knew I was BRCA2 positive. I immediately sought a second opinion with an oncologist. A CA 125 blood test showed unusually high markers and an abdominal ultrasound showed I had a mass on my left ovary. While benign ovarian cysts are not uncommon, since I’m at high risk for ovarian cancer I didn’t want to do a biopsy every six months/year, I opted for a hysterectomy. Post surgery my doctor concluded that I had stage four endometriosis, meaning the endometrial cells had formed a mass and attached my ovary to my intestine which was causing me pain. If I had waited just a few more months part of my intestine might have needed to be removed causing a much more arduous recovery. I highly recommend the doctors at Texas Oncology and PRMA Plastic Surgery, I am forever grateful for them as well all the nurses and PAs who took care of me and continue to do so.

I know it’s a lot. You’re more capable than you think, you’re stronger than you think, tackling the harder things is a true act of self-care.

Current Struggles

Hello lovely human. First of all I want to thank you for reading this. 

I’ve been struggling lately, well for a while actually. You see I’m a 35 year old woman who’s now in full on menopause. Why? If you know me personally or have followed my work/page for a while you may know that in Sept 2020 I had a full hysterectomy due to a mass on my left ovary and being BRCA2 positive (a genetic mutation that dramatically increases my risk of breast, ovarian, pancreatic cancers and melanoma). Since I am at high risk for breast cancer I cannot take hormones until after a prophylactic mastectomy & breast reconstruction which I hope to do later this year. 

I knew about hot flashes and night sweats as common symptoms but what I didn’t know much about or expect was mood swings. I’m sure it’s different for everyone but I’m talking intense mood swings, one day I feel great, so joyful with all my attention on the current moment the next day.... I can’t seem to find anything to smile about and on the really bad days the tears just won’t stop. I think like many difficult things in life, like death and mental illness, menopause just isn’t talked about much. So when you go through it and it’s really bad for you what do you do? I feel so unprepared to deal with this but with compassion I remind myself that I’m doing my best. In this new but liminal state I’m having to re-navigate finding a work flow & creative inspiration which isn’t always easy. Another symptom of menopause is fog brain, an inability to focus on a particular thought or task. With that being said my posting & collection releases are probably going to be pretty irregular but I hope you’ll bare with me and continue to follow along my journey. Sometimes in this capitalist system we live in, we may need a reminder that we are not machines, mindlessly making products for consumption. I’m am only human and in order to create art I need to take care of myself, honor my mind & body which at this time in my life means prioritizing rest and spending more time in nature. 

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In sharing this I hope someone out there struggling with the same situation knows they’re not alone. 

My Patreon Launch

Taking on something new isn’t something I do lightly. I’ve been thinking for quite a long time how to facilitate a better or more authentic relationship with my “customers”(That word doesn’t encompass all that a client means to an artist). I’ve been wanting to share more of my process, behind the scenes and just more about myself. The problem in that lies with social media. Sometimes, for me, it can feel like I’m releasing things out into the world and no one‘s listening or taking it in, which as you can imagine doesn’t feel very good. The fact is that the algorithm being the way it is, unless you post all the time & are constantly on the app...then less and less of your followers actually see your posts. The main reason I joined Instagram years ago was to share my art. But I don’t like feeling that likes, views and numbers dictate how successful I am. And in order to keep my creative juices flowing and take the breaks I need for my mental health I have to disengage from social media fairly regularly. There lies the conundrum, I still want to share my art...

Patreon will be the place I can share, without distractions, without scrolling, the place I can connect directly with those who are actually HERE 👏🏽FOR 👏🏽IT 👏🏽 

You are here and reading this, thank you! I feel Patreon is a step forward in sharing my art and connecting with you more. 

What to expect: 

• Blog style posts

• Behind the scenes videos

• When I reach 20 + Patrons I will do a monthly Patron only giveaway

• Patrons get first/24hr ahead access to new collections & shop updates via website password

• Patron only discount codes

As with many new things I’m sure there will be bumps and curves in the road ahead, I hope you’ll stay with me as I smooth these out. 

To become a patron visit 

www.patreon.com/loveartstyle 

Learning and expanding…

A couple weeks before my trip to Tucson I had a very intense moment of doubt. Up to this point with jewelry making I have been completely self taught. I had booked two metalsmithing workshops with Vivi Magoo, both of which were taught by Erin Harris, a seasoned metalsmith with a plethora of skills to share. So late one evening an ugly fraud monster reared its head. I had the very clear though: What am I doing going on this trip, taking these classes, its irresponsible to spend this money on something I don’t NEED, I won’t succeed…these classes are far to advanced for me…

After only a few minutes I firmly shook the thoughts away. This was fear talking, trying to keep me from going where I wanted to be. Also as a very pragmatic person, I had already paid for these classes (there were no refunds so close to the date), my flight, a deposit on my accommodations…. so I was f*cking going whether I was full of doubt or not.

I must say Vivi Magoo chose the perfect venue for their “Dessert” workshops. Nestled in the foothills in the Santa Catalina mountains, the stunning Westin La Paloma resort and spa soothed any lingering doubts. Erin Harris was the perfect instructor, she was patient, provided class notes, made sure to take the time to address any questions and walk each student through steps that they found difficult. Not only did I enjoy both workshops I excelled. There were some tricky soldering steps but I completed these pretty smoothly. For some reason I had the idea that I was somewhat behind in my metalsmithing journey but from what I could tell I was most likely the youngest person in each workshop. The truth is lots of artists suffer from self doubt. Its important to not let fear get in the way of your journey, it will only keep you from achieving the progress you’re looking for.