2 Years later…

Feeling my worst

Post Double Mastectomy and DIEP flap breast reconstruction

Feeling my best

Photoshoot with Angela Michelle of Raven Red Photography

Did you know that October is breast cancer awareness month?

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It’s coincidently this month two years ago that I had my double mastectomy and DIEP flap breast reconstruction. The year before that I had a full hysterectomy. I have BRCA2, a genetic defect/marker that puts me at high risk of (listed in the highest risk order) Breast, ovarian, colon, melanoma and pancreatic cancers. I always make sure to mention the other cancers that are at higher risk with BRCA2 because I feel like it’s not talked about enough. To decrease my risk drastically I’ve opted for preventive hysterectomy and mastectomy surgeries. If I could cut out my pancreas, believe me, I do that too.

Throwback to the feeling my best and to feeling my worst physically. Best: photoshoot with @ravenredphoto Worst: post surgery.

This surgery was the most physically painful and challenging thing I’ve ever been through. I spent three days in the hospital. My first and second…. and third steps after surgery (with a walker) felt like my body was being split in half. In the thick of it I couldn’t even fathom six months or a year down the line. It was a full five or six weeks before I could stand up without being hunched over (In a DIEP flap reconstruction several inches of abdominal tissue is removed) it was a full year after my revision surgery (6 months after the mastectomy) that I even felt remotely strong again. These days I’m still working on feeling at home in my body, getting used to the scars, the little to no sensation in several parts. With multiple major surgeries my body just feels different. I have been needing/wanting to talk more about body image and post surgery trauma but it’s taken me some time to digest all that I’ve been through, healing is not a straight line.

Whenever I come up against something challenging, or I feel something like imposter syndrome or like I’m not capable I remind myself that I’ve already been through some of the most difficult things a person could go through. I’m (mostly) on the other side of it.

Whenever I tell someone in person that I’ve had a mastectomy, they immediately looked down at my breasts with the look of disbelief on their face, unintentionally I’m sure. One of the benefits of DIEP flap reconstruction is a natural look but make no mistake breast reconstruction is not augmention or a “boob job”, with augmentation, you still have your nipples, you still have sensation in your breasts. There’s a price to pay for lowering your risk of cancer but personally I think it’s worth it. I don’t want to die the way many of my family members have died.

*TLDR: When talking to previvors, survivors, or speaking about this subject at all please don’t compare it to augmentation. Same with comparing DIEP flap to a tummy tuck, it’s just not the same for so many reasons.

I’m not sharing my story for sympathy, I’m sharing for awareness. If there’s any history of any type of cancer in your family, especially an immediate relative talk to your doctor and get genetic testing done (in most cases testing AND preventative surgery is covered by your insurance). I know it can be an incredibly scary thing to tackle but putting off health and medical issues is never beneficial. If several of my family members had sought medical attention sooner they might still be alive today. And this HAS to be said: if your doctor doesn’t think you need genetic testing or doesn’t think you need annual screenings when you have a genetic cancer marker FIND A NEW DOCTOR. In 2020 I had some strange abdominal/pelvic pain and though it was only for a short amount of time (only a day or two) I knew something was wrong. I spoke to my gynecologist but she waved away my concerns and said I was too young to start doing cancer screenings even though she knew I was BRCA2 positive. I immediately sought a second opinion with an oncologist. A CA 125 blood test showed unusually high markers and an abdominal ultrasound showed I had a mass on my left ovary. While benign ovarian cysts are not uncommon, since I’m at high risk for ovarian cancer I didn’t want to do a biopsy every six months/year, I opted for a hysterectomy. Post surgery my doctor concluded that I had stage four endometriosis, meaning the endometrial cells had formed a mass and attached my ovary to my intestine which was causing me pain. If I had waited just a few more months part of my intestine might have needed to be removed causing a much more arduous recovery. I highly recommend the doctors at Texas Oncology and PRMA Plastic Surgery, I am forever grateful for them as well all the nurses and PAs who took care of me and continue to do so.

I know it’s a lot. You’re more capable than you think, you’re stronger than you think, tackling the harder things is a true act of self-care.