Current Struggles
Hello lovely human. First of all I want to thank you for reading this.
I’ve been struggling lately, well for a while actually. You see I’m a 35 year old woman who’s now in full on menopause. Why? If you know me personally or have followed my work/page for a while you may know that in Sept 2020 I had a full hysterectomy due to a mass on my left ovary and being BRCA2 positive (a genetic mutation that dramatically increases my risk of breast, ovarian, pancreatic cancers and melanoma). Since I am at high risk for breast cancer I cannot take hormones until after a prophylactic mastectomy & breast reconstruction which I hope to do later this year.
I knew about hot flashes and night sweats as common symptoms but what I didn’t know much about or expect was mood swings. I’m sure it’s different for everyone but I’m talking intense mood swings, one day I feel great, so joyful with all my attention on the current moment the next day.... I can’t seem to find anything to smile about and on the really bad days the tears just won’t stop. I think like many difficult things in life, like death and mental illness, menopause just isn’t talked about much. So when you go through it and it’s really bad for you what do you do? I feel so unprepared to deal with this but with compassion I remind myself that I’m doing my best. In this new but liminal state I’m having to re-navigate finding a work flow & creative inspiration which isn’t always easy. Another symptom of menopause is fog brain, an inability to focus on a particular thought or task. With that being said my posting & collection releases are probably going to be pretty irregular but I hope you’ll bare with me and continue to follow along my journey. Sometimes in this capitalist system we live in, we may need a reminder that we are not machines, mindlessly making products for consumption. I’m am only human and in order to create art I need to take care of myself, honor my mind & body which at this time in my life means prioritizing rest and spending more time in nature.
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In sharing this I hope someone out there struggling with the same situation knows they’re not alone.
